The One Word Pain Scale

The 1 to 10 pain scale has meant a brilliant breakthrough for medical treatment because it allows us to quantify, track, study, and thus appropriately respond to pain...

as long as the person who has the pain can deal with translating their visceral experience into abstract numbers in a consistent and meaningful manner.

This is actually pretty difficult, especially if you are not used to talking to medical professionals about your pain.

Therefore, out of my own abundance of experience, I give you the 1 to 10 pain scale in 10 keywords.

1. What
2. That
3. Crud
4. Crap
5. Sh*t
6. Dammit
7. Fuuuck
8. Hissss
9. Aieeee
10. BAM

Now, in actual practice, there's only six points that matter. "What" and "That" don't provide much medical information, and "Aieeee" and "BAM" are self-explanatory.
 It's the middle range of "Crud" through "Hisss" that it's really essential to be clear on.
 But, for the sake of a solid understanding, I'm going to go through the whole scale one by one.

1. What
"Something is off."
It's not zero, there's not nothing there, but whatever pain there is, is off stage.

2. That
"This part of me has some pain."
The pain is now on stage, but it's part of the background.

3. Crud
"Yeah, I'm hurting today."
The pain has now moved to the foreground.

4. Crap
"I am having to fight to stay fully functional."
The pain is front and center and in the way. All the regular things you do are taking extra time and energy and effort to do while dealing with the pain.

5. Sh*t
"I hurt too much to be fully functional." The pain is now making it impossible to get through all of the things you regularly do.

6. Dammit
"I hurt too much to think straight." The pain is so distracting it derails thoughts and interrupts conversations. Concentrating (on anything but the pain) is really hard.

7. Fuuuck
"I hurt too much to sleep."
 The pain is actually waking you up.
NOW ENTERING THE DANGER ZONE.
If you cannot *sleep*, you cannot *heal.*
If nothing else, always remember that #7 = Can't Sleep.
 Medical professionals would *like* to get the pain down to #4 Crap -- they don't really want it down to #3 Crud, because at Crud a person who is still seriously recovering is going to be pushing themselves too hard-- so they would like to get it down to Crap, but they MUST get it down below #7 Fuuuck. Fuuuck is the point at which the pain itself will actively prevent you from getting better. Above this is the point at which the pain itself will actively prevent you from communicating and cooperating with your medical team.

8. Hissss
"I hurt too much to talk with you about how much I hurt because it is taking active concentration just to deal with the pain and not scream."

9. Aieeee
"I am screaming."

10. BAM
"I am flailing, squeezing/shaking/throwing things."
The pain is so overwhelming that the logical mind is no longer in control of the body's actions.

Pain is weird. Different types of pain hurt differently: you don't bear an ache the same way as a bump on the head, you don't bear either the same way as a burn. Sometimes you get used to a pain, sometimes you get worn out by a pain. There is a world of things that influence how you feel your pain: how stressed you are, how tired you are, how happy you are, how distracted you are, how hopeful you are.

None of that is important at the moment a medical professional asks you to put your pain on the pain scale.

What is important is that, when a medical professional asks you to put your pain on the pain scale, you answer with whatever is most accurate for *this* pain, at *this* time, for *you*.

That, and that you never feel ashamed of your answer.